masters of war by bobby dylan

i thought about searching for a person on facebook
then thought about that thought, and wondered whether it might be prufrockian

today two roommates and i went to a museum today
normally it would have cost fifteen dollars
but for us the entry was ten dollars, because we are only students
and the extra five dollars...

i bought a notebook called 'the little red notebook,' almost
haha!
i did not buy it
the price was something like six to twelve dollars
for a notebook, a bunch of paper!
this blog is a notebook, and i pay zero dollars for it.
then again, i cannot give it to one person as a gift, for a romantic or friendly occasion
as i could 'the little red notebook'

in the museum there were room attendants
who were there to yell at the rich white people if they got out of line
once, actually, a few did get out of line!
but it's not their fault
it was a modern art museum, and the installation invited touch
perhaps the 'room attendants' were part of the installation
but probably not
the room attendants were like all room attendants
ethnic and old, or sometimes both
what a role reversal! (re: ethnic people keeping rich old whites in line)
seems like a poem could be written about it
seems like i'm listening to bob dylan
again...

space oddity by david bowie

sometimes i like to think about the fact that i am the only person in the entire world who is located in the physical position i'm currently in, and give 'status reports' to a [tv news broadcast / radio show / etc.] in my head. like, 'all is well from two feet behind the door in the hallway. no other people around to report on. air temperature is slightly cool. humidity low. a vague smell of popcorn is coming from the other side of the door, will investigate and report back soon.'

ecstasy by jj

today was one of those days
when you don't go outside until very late at night because you feel guilty that you haven't gone outside until very late at night
when you don't shower until the sun has set
when you set up a command center on your bed
the newspaper, a laptop, some almonds

i made a delicious berry smoothy and before i could clean out the blender my roommate had beat me to it
i guess he really likes to clean

last night i spilled wine on a girl's shirt accidentally
my roommates said it was part of a ploy to get her to take off her shirt
it was not a ploy, but if it had been, it would have 'worked'
i gave her a t-shirt of mine to wear
later that night we stood close together, by the stairwell
my arm curled close around her back, unnecessarily since we stood face to face
holding close a person dressed like me
a solipsist's dream

SEO for Dummys

i had two lines of what was going to be a great poem in my head
but i was in class and could not write them down
the adjunct professor lectured us regarding e.e. cummings
and i was praised for reciting an observation
which last semester's professor had made regarding the same poem
i forget the poem which was in my head at the beginning of class

spotify is stuck on shuffle

my roommate retweeted a tweet to me which said that if you have a "shit stache" then you need a "reality check"
he did not add any commentary of his own
i felt inexplicably sad
i was sitting by the bathrooms in au bon pain

then i ran into a friend outside of washington square park
he plays in a band called 'leaves of green'
i asked him how 'leaves of grass' is going

think i might write a poetry book called leavesofgrassbywaltwhitman.com

break on through by the doors

sometimes i forget how to walk
usually when in the possible vicinity of someone i proximally know
it feels like my knees are 5-10% away from collapsing
in my head i go 'left, right'
or imagine my legs are sturdy, made of metal
or chocked up muscle

sometimes my heart itches

last night i took an evening stroll to east village books
almost every book on the shelves was worth-reading
and reasonably priced

three gentleman congregated in the back
they were the only other patrons
and talked about 'the other side'
i was confused why they were standing there
in the 'nature' section

the man at the counter talked for fifteen minutes
on the phone with someone
he spoke in a high voice and used simple words
i thought it might have been his retarded sister
or wife who dominates him

he was talking with his daughter
who ate apples and spaghetti for dinner
and had been 'dancing up a storm'
these past three days

he said 'ok honey, i have to go now
i have to sell some books.'
he was approximately 29 years old
and said he would see her on saturday
and that he loved her very much

manhattan by woody allen

felt like i was doing 'man kegels' while riding my bike standing up

wondered if i knew how to spell kegels, or at least a misspelling close enough that most people would understand

i got into a bike accident today, except i was the only one in the accident

a Bed, Bath and Beyond coat hanger swung into my spokes, and eight of them broke

i took the bike to a shop called 'Bikes, By George!' where an old man from i think haiti and his son fixed it for 23.99 plus tax

i am watching a ustream of a reading in brooklyn which i was going to go to with my roommate but he got sick

it would take about 25 minutes to get there on the subway

this feels like a 'misuse of the internet'

-

the only time i wish i had more friends is when i want to go to something but there is no one to go with and going alone sounds even worse than not going at all

which attitude on friendship would probably be called selfish

blue suede shoes by elvis presley

the last time i saw my grandfather was in his room at the nursing home he'd been moved into before he moved to the hospital where he died. the moment i walked in i knew something was wrong, different in the way it had never been in the 20 years i'd called him my grandfather. the lion inside him, the light which sometimes dwarfed those of others' around him, was gone -- notably, as it had to be with him.

the physical therapist who helped him sit up in his bed -- sitting up was important, she said; lying down for three days like he'd done wasn't very healthy at all -- she was cute, i noticed, and so when my grandfather, the man who flirted with every waitress i'd ever seen serve him, did not flirt with her, i knew / felt that was off.

as my mom and the physical therapist pulled and pushed him to sit up for a few minutes, i waited outside and sat on a couch in the unused community room where the lights were turned off and played tiny wings on my iphone and felt guilty about tiny wings on my iphone and thought 'what if this is the last time i see my grandfather, will i feel bad about spending half of it outside avoiding his age and playing tiny wings on my iphone.' but i didn't feel guilty then and i don't feel guilty now.

it was around 2pm when i was there and 'who wants to be a millionaire' was on the tv set. it was playing throughout the entire nursing home. as you walked from his room through the common room to the 'assisted living' section down the hall where my grandmother lives, you could see an entire round of the game played out on the floor's tv sets. i wonder how many people who watch any given episode of 'who wants to be a millionaire' are alive for the next episode. for the episode one month later. one year later? certainly 0%, one century later.

before i left the room out of nervousness to play iphone games, a young black boy brought my grandfather lunch -- blintzes, a traditional jewish food. my grandfather requested that i find the kitchen and request they be heated up. it feels unnecessary now that i did that for him, but i like that even a week before he died he was being an asshole to the wait staff so he could have what he wanted. is that ok to say 'i like that he was being an asshole?' i feel like if there is any context in which it's ok to say that sentence, this is that context.

my mom went out to discuss with the nurses how they might better care for him, and i was left alone in the room with him. i wanted to try as best i could to get him out of his daze. i wanted him to talk about something other than 'can you lower the bed a little bit' or 'the tv is too quiet.' i asked him 'were blintzes popular when you were a kid?' because i know that people like to talk about themselves and their childhoods. he told me about his family, who owned a shoe-making business in philadelphia. when i left to go home and play a game of basketball with acquantainces from high school, i shook his hand and he said 'so long, aaron.' i said 'so, long grampop. you'll have to tell me more about the leather shoe business next time. so long'

then my mom lowered his bed and turned off the light and he went to sleep.